“I tried counselling once and it didn’t work for me.”
If you have said, thought or experienced this you are not alone.
It can be really hard to get to a point where you are ready and able to go and seek counselling. It requires you to let into your awareness that something is not ok in your life and to recognize that you have it in your power to put it right. And then to summon up the courage to not only tell someone else about it, but to ask for their help. I recognize this and if you have got this far then I have massive respect and admiration for you.
So, it makes sense then, that if you try something once and it doesn’t seem to deliver on it’s promises that would be disappointing and dejecting. And perhaps even reinforce some erroneous belief that you’re unfixable or not worth the effort?
Why would you keep putting yourself through that?
So, here are a few things I think it might be helpful for you to know:
Counsellors are not magic.
We can’t just wave our wands and magic away your struggles.
The magic of counselling happens in the space that a counsellor and client create between them through their relationship. This means that you, as a client, are a crucial part of the process. You will have to work at least as hard as the counsellor. Often even harder.
Counselling is not a quick fix.
It takes time to build this relationship and to establish the mutual understanding and trust that acts as a solid foundation to build the work on. That work might involve learning new things; feeling new feelings, or revisiting old ones; examining old thoughts and beliefs; changing long established habits; and other things which take time to establish.
Counselling can sometimes make you feel worse before you feel better.
It is worth mentioning that counselling is often not a pleasant experience all the way through. There is a strong chance that during the process you will look at and feel some of the pain, distress and difficult emotions that you have been avoiding. Sometimes old memories and difficult experiences will be reawakened and revisited, and all this can be emotionally draining and feel like hard work.
This is why the relationship between counsellor and client is so important, because the counsellor will be there to support you through the difficult stuff. Which will ultimately result in you feeling better.
Each counsellor is different.
Human Beings are unique. Every single one of us is an individual, the exact same person has never existed before and never will again. And counsellors are Human Beings.
Therefore. Counsellors are unique individuals.
This is important to remember because if the magic of therapy happens in the relationship between two unique individuals then every magic therapy relationship is going to be different. Throw into that mix that there are many different theories, models and ways of “doing” therapy each uniquely individual counsellor will “do” it in their own unique way uniquely tailoring it to the unique individual in front of them.
Just because one counsellor isn’t the right fit for you doesn’t mean that none of them will be.
It can feel like extra hard work, on top of the hard work of therapy, but looking around for a counsellor you feel a connection with will pay off in the end. It’s really ok, in fact we would encourage it, to get in touch and ask us questions and even to try a session or two before deciding on The One.
Please try more than one counsellor more than once.
I would love to hear, if you would like to share, what your experiences have been with finding a counsellor. And I would be delighted to answer any questions you may have around this subject.